New Year’s Resolutions (or: Let’s All Calm Down a Little)
For many of us, January arrives every year with the same energy: Reinvent yourself. Immediately. Preferably by Monday.
Suddenly, we’re supposed to wake up at 5 a.m., drink green juice, meditate daily, fix our attachment wounds, read 52 books, and become a “new version” of ourselves — all while pretending this is a matter of sheer willpower and to conquer these tasks would be inspiring and validating.
If you’ve ever looked at your New Year’s resolutions and felt a mix of hope and quiet dread, you’re not alone.
The Pressure to Become Someone Else
New Year’s resolutions often carry an unspoken message:
Who you are right now isn’t quite enough.
So we aim high. Sometimes unrealistically high. And when motivation fades (usually by mid-January… or January 3rd), shame steps in to finish the job.
But change that’s fueled by self-criticism rarely sticks. And it definitely doesn’t feel good.
What If This Year Isn’t About Overhauling Yourself?
What if, instead of asking “What should I fix?” we asked:
What would support me?
What feels doable — not aspirational?
What would it look like to move toward myself, not away?
Growth doesn’t have to be loud or dramatic. Sometimes it looks like making your life a little more humane.
The Nervous System Does Not Respond Well to Yelling
Many resolutions fail not because we’re lazy, but because they’re built on pressure.
Your nervous system doesn’t thrive on ultimatums. It responds better to consistency over intensity, curiosity over judgment, safety over force.
When expectations are rigid, your system may freeze, rebel, or quietly opt out. (Hello, abandoned planner.)
Gentle goals tend to last longer because they don’t require you to become someone else to keep going.
Try “Intentions” Instead of Resolutions (Lower Stakes, Same Growth)
If the word resolution makes you tense, you’re allowed to retire it.
Consider intentions like:
“I want to notice how I talk to myself.”
“I want to rest without earning it.”
“I want to do fewer things, more honestly.”
“I want to move my body in ways that don’t feel like punishment.”
These don’t demand perfection. They invite awareness.
And awareness is surprisingly powerful.
Humor Helps (So Does Self-Forgiveness)
You can want change and laugh at how human you are.
You can set a goal and know you’ll mess it up sometimes.
You can miss a week, a month, or a whole season — and still begin again.
Progress doesn’t disappear because you paused. It is always there, waiting.
Also worth noting:
If your resolution involves becoming a completely different person, it might be worth renegotiating.
A Kinder Way to Start the Year
This year, resist the urge to chase a “new you.”
You are allowed to arrive exactly as you are — tired, hopeful, skeptical, curious — and build from there.
Maybe the most radical resolution is this:
I will treat myself like someone worth listening to.
No countdown clock required.
A Gentle New Year Check-In
Take a moment to pause. You don’t need to change anything — just notice.
Breathe once, on purpose.
Inhale through your nose, exhale slowly through your mouth.Ask yourself quietly:
What feels heavy as this year begins?
You don’t need to solve it. Just name it.Then ask:
What feels supportive or relieving right now — even a little?
This could be something small: more rest, fewer expectations, clearer boundaries, a moment of quiet.Finish with this sentence (in your head or on paper):
This year, I’m allowed to be gentle with myself when I…
Let whatever comes up be enough.
There’s no right answer — only an honest one.
About Dr Vicky Huangfu
Vicky is a first generation Chinese American who honors cultural heritage with humility and curiosity. Her passion is in helping women say the things that feel too hard to say; things like, "NO," "I am not OK," "I am OK," and "STFU!". As a clinical psychologist and EMDR-certified therapist for over 20 years, she is committed to providing a trauma-informed and affirming space where you can get in touch with what is true for you.
