Learning to Feel Safe in Your Own Body Again
For many women, safety has always been something external—measured by the mood in the room, the approval of others, the lack of physical threat, or how well we manage to hold everything together.
But true safety isn’t something you earn or maintain through effort. It’s something you feel—in your body, in your breath, in your bones.
And for those who’ve spent years disconnecting from parts of themselves to survive, that feeling of safety can seem almost impossible to find.
When Your Body Stops Feeling Like Home
If you’ve experienced trauma—big or small—your body likely learned to protect you by numbing out or staying on alert.
You may know this pattern by other names:
Always being “on,” even when nothing’s wrong.
Feeling detached or spaced out.
Experiencing sudden anxiety or panic without an obvious trigger.
Struggling to relax, even during rest.
These are not signs of weakness. They’re signs of wisdom—your nervous system’s way of saying, “I’m not sure the world is safe yet.”
The truth is, your body never forgot how to feel. It just learned to be cautious about when and where it does.
Why Disconnection Feels So Familiar
Many women learned early that certain emotions were “too much.” Maybe anger wasn’t allowed. Maybe sadness was met with discomfort. Maybe joy felt unsafe if it drew too much uncomfortable attention.
Over time, you start to live from the neck up—managing, performing, analyzing—but rarely inhabiting.
You might feel like a head floating above a tense or unfamiliar body.
But your body isn’t your enemy. It’s the part of you that has been carrying everything you’ve avoided feeling. It’s not broken—it’s burdened.
How EMDR Helps Rebuild Safety
In EMDR therapy, we don’t force you back into sensations you’ve avoided; we help your nervous system learn that it’s finally safe to come home.
Through careful pacing and bilateral stimulation, EMDR allows you to reprocess old experiences so your body no longer reacts as if the danger is happening right now.
You begin to experience the subtle, profound shift from “I’m not safe” to “I’m okay now.”
Over time, the body starts to trust that safety can exist inside—not just around you.
You might notice small moments of change:
Breathing a little deeper.
Feeling warmth instead of tension in your chest.
Noticing pleasure, rest, or stillness without guilt.
These are milestones, not trivialities. Each one means your body is remembering what it’s like to belong to you again.
Coming Home
The work of healing isn’t about erasing pain or pretending to be fearless. It’s about learning to inhabit your body again, gently, without bracing for impact.
When you begin to feel safe in your own skin, life stops being something that happens to you—and starts being something that happens through you.
You begin to breathe, move, and speak from the truth of who you are.
And that truth—unapologetic, embodied, and alive—is where freedom lives.
🕊️ So much of healing is remembering.
Remembering that your body was never the problem—it was the protector.
As you begin to feel safe again, you’re not becoming someone new; you’re returning to the person you’ve always been beneath the guarding and the quiet.
Relearning Safety, One Sensation at a Time
Feeling safe in your body isn’t a single moment—it’s a slow, gentle, attuned return.
Some gentle ways to begin:
Pause and notice one neutral or pleasant sensation—your feet on the floor, the warmth of tea, a soft texture.
Name what you feel (“My shoulders are tense,” “My stomach feels calm”) without judgment.
Breathe with curiosity, not correction. Instead of “deep breathing,” try “noticing your breath.”
Honor limits. Safety doesn’t come from pushing; it comes from listening.
Safety isn’t the absence of discomfort—it’s the presence of self-trust.
About Dr Vicky Huangfu
Vicky is a first generation Chinese American who honors cultural heritage with humility and curiosity. Her passion is in helping women say the things that feel too hard to say; things like, "NO," "I am not OK," "I am OK," and "STFU!". As a clinical psychologist and EMDR-certified therapist for over 20 years, she is committed to providing a trauma-informed and affirming space where you can get in touch with what is true for you.
