How to Take Care of Yourself During the Holidays
For many of us, the winter holiday season comes wrapped in beautiful moments—warm kitchens, familiar recipes, time with people we love. But woven into that can be pressure, expectation, emotional labor, old family roles, and the quiet exhaustion that comes from tending to everyone else before tending to yourself.
If you’ve spent years being the strong one, the peacekeeper, the organizer, or the “good girl” who holds everything together, the holidays can stir up more than gratitude. It can stir up stress, grief, resentment, sensory overload, or memories that settle uneasily in the body.
Here’s the truth:
You are allowed to care for yourself during the holidays.
Not after the meal is cooked.
Not once everyone has gone home.
Not only if you’ve “earned it.”
Now. During. Throughout.
Below are compassionate ways to support your mind, body, and nervous system this holiday season.
Choose Your Participation With Intention
You don’t have to say yes to everything.
Ask yourself:
What parts of the holiday actually matter to me?
What am I doing out of genuine desire—and what am I doing out of obligation?
It is entirely valid to:
Attend for a shorter amount of time
Skip certain traditions that drain you
Set limits around hosting
Create a holiday on your terms
Giving yourself permission can feel unfamiliar—but it’s a powerful step toward reclaiming your own experience.
Identify Your Emotional “Green Zones”
Notice what helps your nervous system settle:
A quiet walk before or after the event
Grounding breath while cooking
Stepping outside for a few minutes of sunlight
Sitting in a room away from the noise
Checking in with a supportive friend
Think of these moments as emotional rest stops. Use them early and often, not only when you feel overwhelmed.
Release the Role You’ve Outgrown
Many of us unconsciously slip back into old family roles—the pleaser, the helper, the fixer, the one who smooths everything over.
Before Thanksgiving, take a moment to ask:
Who am I allowed to be now?
What role feels nourishing rather than draining?
You don’t have to perform old scripts that no longer fit. You’re allowed to show up as your current self—stronger, clearer, more grounded, more authentic, and more whole.
Prepare for Known Triggers With Care
If you’ve had past trauma, complicated family dynamics, or strained relationships, it’s not “negative thinking” to acknowledge that certain topics or people may be triggering.
Try:
Planning neutral phrases you can use to exit a conversation
Arriving with your own transportation so you can leave when you need
Choosing a grounding object or sensory tool to keep with you
Visualizing your boundaries ahead of time
This is not avoidance—it’s nervous system stewardship.
Nourish Your Body, Not Your Inner Critic
Holiday food can activate shame, comparison, or old diet culture messages.
Try asking your body:
What would feel good right now?
What would help me feel steady and nourished?
Allow yourself:
pleasure
satisfaction
gentleness
enoughness
Your relationship with food can be rooted in respect rather than rules.
Create a Moment That Is Just for You
Before the day ends, gift yourself one simple ritual:
a warm bath
journaling
a few minutes of meditation
savoring a cup of tea without multitasking
stepping outside to breathe in the cool night air
A moment that reminds your body: I matter too.
Practice Self-Compassion, Not Perfection
If old patterns show up—if you overextend, if you freeze in a hard moment, if you say yes when you wanted to say no—be gentle with yourself.
You’re unlearning years of conditioning.
You’re learning to care for your inner world while navigating the outer one.
That is real work, and it deserves real compassion.
A Final Reflection
The holiday season can be both beautiful and complicated. Honor the complexity. Hold space for gratitude and grief, connection and boundaries, tradition and transformation.
Most importantly, take care of yourself—not as an afterthought, but as a central part of the holiday.
Reflection Prompt
What is one boundary, one need, or one act of nourishment you want to honor for yourself this holiday season—and what support do you need to make it possible?
About Dr Vicky Huangfu
Vicky is a first generation Chinese American who honors cultural heritage with humility and curiosity. Her passion is in helping women say the things that feel too hard to say; things like, "NO," "I am not OK," "I am OK," and "STFU!". As a clinical psychologist and EMDR-certified therapist for over 20 years, she is committed to providing a trauma-informed and affirming space where you can get in touch with what is true for you.
