Big “T” vs. Little “t” Trauma
On paper, life has been good.
Uneventful childhood. Relative success in school and in work. A circle of meaningful relationships with friends and loved ones.
From the outside, it all looks golden—maybe even enviable. Nothing that anyone would point to and say: “Geez, they have it rough!”
And yet…in the quiet moments—when there are no distractions, no deadlines, no glowing screens—something else stirs beneath the surface.
Like the buzz of fluorescent lights that is always in the background but you can only notice when it is very quiet…insecurity creeps in. The old tape of self-doubt starts playing. Shame shows up, followed closely by self-criticism.
It feels confusing. Where is all this coming from? There’s no obvious reason. Life has been “fine.” More than fine, really.
And then, almost automatically, another voice rushes in to silence the discomfort: “Stop being dramatic. You’ve had it good! Other people have gone through much worse. You’re overthinking. So dramatic!”
What if that inner struggle is a reflection of long-held pain?
What if those nagging thoughts and feelings are the quiet echoes of little “t” traumas—the subtle, often-overlooked experiences that leave an imprint even when life looks “good” on the surface.
Of course, there are the kinds of traumas most people think of right away. The car accident that leaves someone shaken every time they get behind the wheel. The assault that makes the world feel unsafe. The sudden loss that changes life in an instant. These are the big, undeniable ruptures—what we often call Big “T” traumas.
But not all wounds announce themselves so loudly. Some slip quietly into the background, unnoticed but nonetheless impactful. They may not stop you from living your life, but they whisper in the silence: You’re not safe. You’re not enough. You don’t belong.
That’s the nature of little “t” traumas. They don’t always arrive in one dramatic blow. Instead, they collect—small comments, subtle dismissals, unmet needs. Each one a pebble in your pocket. Light enough to carry at first, until one day you notice you’re weighed down without even knowing why.
Big “T” vs. Little “t” Trauma
While both types of trauma affect us, they often show up in different ways:
Big “T” Trauma: sudden, overwhelming, and often life-threatening events such as accidents, natural disasters, assault, or war. These experiences are more likely to lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, and hyper-vigilance.
Little “t” Trauma: subtle but repeated experiences that erode a sense of safety or worth over time—criticism, emotional neglect, chronic stress, rejection, or betrayal. These may not lead to PTSD but often manifest as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, shame, or difficulties in relationships.
The important thing to remember: trauma is not defined by the size of the event, but by the impact it leaves.
How EMDR Can Help
Whether someone has experienced a Big “T” trauma or a lifetime of little “t” traumas, the nervous system holds onto those memories. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps the brain reprocess those stuck experiences so they no longer carry the same emotional charge.
Clients often notice that:
painful memories lose their intensity,
self-critical thoughts soften,
they feel calmer in the present, and
they begin to see themselves in a new, more compassionate light.
You don’t need to prove your pain is “big enough” to deserve help. If it lingers, if it weighs you down, it matters—and healing is possible.
Big “T” or little “t,” trauma leaves its mark. If you recognize yourself in those quiet moments of self-doubt or shame, know this: you’re not broken, and you’re not alone. With the right support, it is possible to loosen the weight of old experiences and step into a life that feels lighter, freer, and more your own.
If you're curious about how EMDR might help you work through past experiences—whether big or small—I invite you to reach out. Together, we can explore a path toward relief, resilience, and renewed self-trust.